Nothing Finer than Living in North Caroliner

Nothing Finer than Living in North Caroliner
Blue Ridge Smoky Mountains

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Day 100 - For Cupcakes Sake

http://www.forcupcakesake.com/ Click here
We had gotten a Groupon for a local Cupcake Bakery that delivers!  That seems to be the biggest fad right now. Bigger and better cupcakes and being delivered is even better.  For $13 (a $27.50 value) you could get a dozen cupcakes.  They had to all be one flavor as they are made to order.   As luck would have it, when I went on to the website of the company, For Cupcakes Sake, the owners were out of town due to a sickness in the family.  To make up for having to wait for our cupcakes, they would allow us to pick two flavors per dozen.  I love hummingbird cupcakes so I chose this for me and for the other half, I chose the chocolate cake with marshmallow icing Smores flavor.  I'm not a big chocolate cake eater with the exception of red velvet cake and I didn't want to eat the entire twelve cupcakes by myself, so the chocolate ones were for Steve. There was one additional hurdle and that was the company didn't deliver to my town.  I sent an e-mail to the company and Loretta, the owner answered with a solution.  We could arrange to meet on her route when she was the closest to my town.

Hilltop Restaurant - Outside
Hilltop Restaurant - Inside
I never even had red velvet cake until I moved to the south.  During the war some foods were rationed so bakers substituted beets for the sweet flavor in cakes and thus the flour turned red.  The chemical reaction between vinegar and buttermilk also produces this red coloring when mixed with the cocoa.  The first time I had red velvet cake was at an old Victorian Home that was renovated into a southern cooking restaurant called the Hilltop Restaurant.  It was an anniversary dinner and we started a tradition of going there every year for our anniversary.  The evening was topped off with the dessert.  The second year we went, they said they weren't serving it anymore.  So the next year we started a new tradition of going to the Fondue Haus for our anniversary.  At least there we could get chocolate for dessert to dip our strawberries, pound cake and bananas in for dessert. 

I don't know what it is with me and cupcakes but it is my dessert of choice.  I have a photo of my dad and I when I was around three or four and he was icing the cupcakes we had baked "together."  Well as "together" as any three year old can bake with her dad.  This has been a treasured photo of mine.  He walked out of my life shortly after that and never cared enough to look back and keep in touch.  So I guess the cupcakes just make me feel a connection that was once there and I can never regain.  Comfort food.

I've eaten a lot of comfort food and the results have been for me to gain weight at a young age.  My mother had called my dad for an unrelated issue to me when I was fourteenish and put me on the phone with him. He asked me if I wanted a book.  I said sure just glad to have ANY kind of acknowledgment from the man I was reminded of every day that I was a spitting image of.  He sent me a book about SEX, complete with four-color photographs.  Mom wasn't too happy about that one. He sent monthly "science kits" he had gotten as a subscription for me. In that same conversation he asked me what my weight was.  I told him about 120 pounds to which he replied, "You must be a fat goat."  I was devastated.  That should have been my clue then that my birth father just wasn't a very nice person let alone a loving parent.  I started crying and just handed the phone to my mother.

After college, for years I sought his attention for unknown reasons.  I moved to California to try to start our relationship over.  He ended up kicking me out.  He was mad because I had used the $300 he gave me to "live off" to pay my car payment because it was the right thing to do.  I had nothing but clothes and my car. Nothing. I had been a struggling college student for Gods Sake. After he told me to pack my things and leave, he went outside to mow the lawn.  I grabbed two garbage bags and started loading my clothes into the plastic bags.  He came in the house, slammed the door and yelled to me, "What the hell are you doing in here?" I was stunned because I was doing exactly what he told me to do.  Putting the clothes into the garbage bags to leave, thinking about where I would go so far away from Pennsylvania. Thinking about if I could make it living out of my car and trying not to cry in front of my Dad.  There would be enough of that after I left.  I was alone in California by myself with only a car and no money and no job.  He said, "I heard you throwing glasses in here."  I said, "Really?  Where are they?  I'm just putting my clothes into the bags."  First of all he couldn't have possibly heard me doing that if he was behind a lawn mower motor running but secondly there weren't any glasses of any kind in my room.

I tried for years to be the "daughter" that a father would be proud of.  I am the "daughter" that ANY father would be proud of but at some point a child grows into an adult that has to come to grips with the feeling of just simply not being wanted by a parent.  It is, in my opinion, the most hurtful pain any person can bear.  It is a cross to bear of a lifetime.  God became my father that day and hasn't let me down like my birth father. EVER.  And just as a cupcake is a small version that satisfies my craving for an entire cake, God, the Father has provided me with a slice of heaven on earth by satisfying my craving for the love of my father.

Loretta from the Cupcake Bakery met up with me and she told me that the Smores cupcake icing was melting so she suggested I put them in the refrigerator as soon as I arrived home.  One was melting so quickly on the way home that the icing was sliding off the top so I tried to lick the icing while driving. I almost ran over a few mailboxes.  I bit into the cake and threw it out the window as I tried to swallow the bit I had taken.  It was hard as brick and dry.  I e-mailed Loretta and she did the right thing as a business owner who knows an opportunity to keep a loyal customer when she sees one and offered to replace the entire dozen cupcakes.

Its too bad I couldn't request a replacement father for the same reasons as I was getting a replacement dozen cupcakes, hard as a brick and so bad I had to throw him out of my life.

A bad father never has a good son ~ Latin Proverb

Happy Easter! Our holy Father in Heaven, thank you for sending your only son so that we all shall live.  And I mean really LIVE!  Put on an Easter Bonnet today and Sing ....it doesn't have to be pretty...just sing!

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