Nothing Finer than Living in North Caroliner

Nothing Finer than Living in North Caroliner
Blue Ridge Smoky Mountains

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Day 114 - The Talk about the Birdz and the Beez

My boyz were at that age that they weren't old enough to be home alone yet (11and 9ish) and too old to go to daycare. So a family friend watched them for about two hours each day between the end of school until the time I picked them up from her house on the way home from work.  I remember this day vividly because I had planned to do my taxes right after dinner.  As a referee, we don't make much money.  In fact after you calculate the gas, the wear and tear on the vehicles, the uniforms, the dues, the fees, the camp fees and the education costs, we lose money.  By keeping  track of our mileage we could turn these expenses into the IRS and receive a sizable income tax refund.  This is where we made our money.  So I was anxious to do this.

I stopped by to pick up the kids and the babysitter asked to speak with me in private.  She pulled me aside and said she had something "really serious" to discuss with me.  Ok.  She started, "BJ, Your oldest son asked me a question today and I PROMISED him that you would talk to him about it.  He asked me about the birdz and the beez."  I told her ok, I'll talk to him about it tomorrow because tonight I was going to do my taxes.  She grabbed my arm firmly.  "BJ, I PROMISED him you would talk to him TONIGHT.  Please do it."  I continued to protest as I justified my stance with "This is a job for the father not the mother!"  She said, "BJ, he specifically told me he wanted YOU to tell him." Ok boy this one was throwing me for a loop.  I don't know of another time in which I wanted to do my taxes more than any other time.   In fact if you ask anyone to discuss sex with their eleven year old son, they probably would rather do their taxes too!

The right thing to do was to honor her commitment and I promised her I would do just this.  I had a book at home that I received from school when I was twelve years old.  I would use this for illustrations.  I planned out my speech as I gathered the kids and loaded them in the car.  When we got home, I told my son, "Hey, I was told that you want to know something."  He looked sheepishly at me.  "Yes."  I said ok, when we get home, meet me upstairs and I'll be right up as soon as I go to the bathroom.  (Notice I didn't say after I did my taxes!)

I headed upstairs as I still was mentally writing my "speech."  I sat down eye to eye started talking to him about the female body and used words like menstruation and vagina.  I proceeded to the male body and used words like penis with a a straight face.  I pulled out the book I got when I was twelve and gave it to him.  He thumbed through it as I began talking about eggs and X chromosomes, Y Chromosomes, sperms and he stood up and put his arm out with a flat palm like a traffic cop trying to stop a car.  "STOP!" he said.  "That is good."  Shocked as I had just begun, "Are you sure?"  "Yup" he said as he ran downstairs leaving the book that I gave him on the sofa.

Honey Bee
So here it was the Birds and the Bees: When a bee visits a flower to forage for nectar, some of the flower's pollen rubs off the stamens on to the bee's body. The bee then moves on to another flower and some of the pollen on the bee's body is transferred to the stigma, thus pollinating, or fertilizing, the flower. When a bee starts foraging from a particular type of flower, it will visit only that type of flower for as long as it can. This behavior means that pollen is always delivered to the correct variety of flower. Pollination is important because a plant will not develop seeds or fruit if the flower is not pollinated. If the crop plants are not pollinated, the crops will fail. Bees are not the only pollinators, but they are by far the most important, responsible for most of the pollination done by insects. It is said that one out of every three mouthfuls of food we eat and beverages we drink are the result of pollination by bees. If we were to lose the bees, we would be hungry.

I sat there confused while I tried to figure it out.  He just wanted the Birdz and the Beez/Sexology 101 and I was giving him the Birdz and the Beez/Sexology 401 speech.  WOW, I thought that was pretty easy.  I had pollinated his curiosity about sex and the results were pure honey. At least when the kids talked in class he could tell them the truth when he heard them saying things like kissing would make you pregnant and you can't get STDs from toilet seats.  He now had a point of reference when his friends mentioned sex.  I figured out that this was really all he was looking for.  Knowledge to be the expert.

The best part of that night.... I still had time to do my taxes.

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